Healing Spiritual Wounds - Review

TLDR version: A much needed resource for people of faith, and for those in ministry.
Increasingly, those of us in ministry are finding ourselves spending more time with people who are either new to the church or returning to the church. Once upon a time, people were raised in the church and stayed in the church - I mean, maybe they drifted away for a few years in their 20s, but just for a moment.

There is a set of tools for cradle-to-grave church members. Here are the steps of faith formation ("confirmation then graduation then marriage, etc"). Here's how to build on your positive experience and grow deeper in faith. These tools - these steps - are what most people learn when they train for ministry.

Now a growing population has left the community we call "church," or has intentionally chosen to stay away from it. Some were raised in the church and walked away. Others saw the church at a distance and have worked to keep the church at arm’s length. And still others remain in the church with an uneasy peace. 

This new population has awoken important realizations among those of us who provide pastoral care – that many people have been hurt by the church, many people have been taught faith in a way that is counter to the good news of Jesus, many people have deep spiritual wounds. 

The Rev. Carol Howard Merritt's new publication from HarperOne - Healing Spiritual Wounds - is written with just such realizations in mind. It is theology, pastoral care, and a workbook for all those who carry spiritual wounds and all those whose ministry is the healing of those wounds. 

Many a Christian memoirist will write with honesty about the struggles that they once overcame, long ago. Pastor Merritt's memoir is raw and honest about the wounds she carries to this day, and the work she is currently and continuing to doing to heal from them. 

With humor, candor, and deep insight, Pastor Merritt opens up to the reader some of the most painful intersections of faith, Christian community, and human frailty in her life. 

Each chapter deals with a different type of spiritual wound. Pastor Merritt describes the ways many of us have been hurt, points to some of the effects of that pain on our lives, and then – and this is key – offers tools to help the reader unpack that wound and begin the process of healing.

“Our souls are tender places. We hold our ideals, hopes, wishes, and dreams there. That’s why spiritual wounds can feel so devastating … There seem to be so many people who want to heal, but they can’t figure out where they placed the balm.” 

Merritt’s personal stories in Healing Spiritual Wounds held up a mirror to my own stories, and her healing points her readers toward their own peace. For all of us imperfect people, living out our faith in community with other imperfect people, Carol Howard Merritt gives us tools for a healthier, more compassionate spiritual life. 

As a person of faith, I am looking forward to returning to this book again and again as I work through the exercises provided in each chapter. As a pastor, Healing Spiritual Wounds provides me with an extremely helpful set of insights and tools as I care for those I am called to serve. 

With Healing Spiritual Wounds, Carol Howard Merritt provided me with the spiritual direction that I didn't know I needed, and given me some of the tools I've been looking for in my ministry. 

Disclosure: I am fortunate to count Carol as a friend, and was provided with a review copy of this book from HarperOne.

The Best Advice Ever

What do you say to someone who is thinking about seminary?

How can you encourage someone who might be called to ordained ministry? 

Very often - for all the right reasons - those of us who love the church respond like vampires. Fresh blood! Quick, don't let it get away! 

And so we encourage. "You really should go to seminary." "Parish ministry is awesome." We talk up the best parts of parish ministry (and there are lots of them) and we talk up the gifts of the person we are trying to encourage (which also may be many). 

This is an important role to play. If you talk to anyone who is in ministry, chances are that countless people along the way encouraged them to consider seminary. With most clergy (although certainly not all), we experienced lots of affirmation of our gifts on the road to parish ministry. To be clear: For these encouragers and affirmers, I am deeply grateful. I would not be where I am without them. 

But while listening to a recent Freakonomics podcast, I was reminded of the greatest advice I received on my road to ordination. It came from my Grandfather, in the last months of his life. 

Grandpa Hansen was a pastor. 57 years of ordained ministry. He had served in the ULCA, the LCA, and the ELCA; he was a mission developer, a regularly called parish pastor, and an intentional interim. He was also a preacher's kid, growing up in parsonages as a child of the church. He was also the father of a pastor. Gramps knew the church. 

Toward the very end of his life, Gramps had some short-term memory loss. He remembered my parents, but as we gathered for Sunday dinner I had to be re-introduced to him. 

"This your grandson, David," said my Mom. "He's in seminary, preparing to be a pastor like you and Chris. Do you have any advice for him?"

Gramps looked up and thought for a moment, said, "Consider another line of work," then when back to eating his Sunday lunch. 

The best advice I ever got in my preparation for ministry: "Consider another line of work."

Here is the truth:

If you are called to ordination, nothing else will make you feel as fulfilled as ordained ministry.
And if you are not called to ordination, nothing else will make you feel as miserable as ordained ministry. 

Consider another line of work.

Is there another way to live out your calling? Are there aspects of parish ministry that appeal to you, but others that you hate to think about? Consider another line of work.

Are you pursuing ordination to make someone else happy - parents, pastor, or others? Are you considering ordination because you "should"? Consider another line of work.

Often, our first reaction when someone pushes back against a feeling of being called to ministry is to get defensive. But the truth is, the pushback is necessary. Sit with the idea of doing something else. Give it serious consideration. 

There are lots of important vocations (lived out to the glory of God, there are only important vocations). There are lots of ways to serve God. There are lots of ways to minister to God's people. Ordained parish ministry is just one. 

I'm not saying you aren't called to ordained ministry. Maybe you are - truth is, I hope you are. But give thought to where your mission in the world is. What would you do if not ordained ministry? What would you pursue if not this? And if you did those things, would you be just as fulfilled as you would in parish ministry?

Are you thinking about seminary? Listen to the wisdom of Rodney Hansen: Consider another line of work. Rule out all other possibilities. 

And if, having considered all other lines of work -- having ruled out all other options -- you discover that the call to ordained parish ministry still rings loudest in your heart, then jump in. 

What about you? What is the best vocational / career advice you have ever received? 

(Freakonomics Podcast, The Upside of Quitting, transcript and audio)

(Considering seminary? Here are some tools to begin the conversation. Talk with your pastor to explore your options.)