Get Your Groove On

ELCA Presiding Bishop Mark Hanson, getting his groove on at the Southeastern Synod Assembly, 2013.

Learning the Cupid Shuffle from Linda Few at the Southeastern Synod assembly! twitter.com/bishophanson/s…

— Bishop Hanson (@bishophanson) June 1, 2013

Pentecost

Sometimes, it is hard to find just the right hymn for the day. Other times, the choice is obvious. Tomorrow is the day of Pentecost, and as I listened to a preacher this weekend talk about "God's mighty wind," all I could think about was this song.

"And suddenly from heaven there came a sound like the rush of a violent wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting." ~ Acts 2:2 

So, if you are still looking for a hymn for Pentecost, I give you "A Mighty Wind is Blowin'" as sung by the New Main Street Singers, The Folksmen and Mitch & Mickey.

You're welcome :-)

Lydia

This Sunday is the 6th Sunday of Easter. Are you still looking for a hymn of the day?

Maybe you should preach on Lydia (Acts 16:-9-15).

I mean, you don't get much better than this:

Electronic Mail??

From time to time, I have the privilege of teaching about social media to groups of pastors and other church leaders. It is truly a joy. Unfortunately, sometimes it can feel kinda like this:

Junk for Jesus

Confession: I love tacky stuff.

I am full of sarcasm, and love so much of what gets stamped with Jesus. Yes, I have Jesus band-aids. You betcha. How could I not love the idea of bandages, stamped with the image of the Great Physician. It is a great, big, delicious bowl of irony.

Here's the thing. I am fairly certain that the Jesus bandages were made by people who had their tongues firmly placed in their cheek. Whether by non-Christians poking a little fun at the dominant culture, or by Christians with a sense of humor similar to mine.

So, to be clear, I am a fan of Jesus Junk. But then it crosses a line. There comes a point where you realize that much of this stuff is not just tongue in cheek; it is not about poking a little bit of fun at our own tradition. Nope. Much of this Junk for Jesus is really an expression of people's piety. Some of it may have started as a funny idea, but then someone took it seriously. Other items are so ridiculous you think they must have been a joke, but they are an absolutely earnest expression of someone's faith.

So here on this blog, I am going to be collecting some of these exceptionally tacky expressions of faith, in an ongoing series called "Junk for Jesus." I am going to lean toward the earnest rather than ironic -- although the line gets blurry.


We will start with this: spreading things around the holy family, an Our Lady of Guadalupe lighter. Because the Blessed Virgin Mary totally encourages your nicotine addition, and would like to bless you as you flick you zippo. Holy Smoke! 

Pirate Creed

In honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day, I give you the Pirate Creed:

We believe in one God, the Almighty Admiral,

Maker o’ heaven and ‘arth,    

and o’ all things natural and ghostly.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,

T’only Son o’ God, says I, eternally begotten o’ the Admiral,

God from God, Light from Light,

true God from true God,

begotten, nar made, o’ one Bein’wi’ the Father.

Through him all things t’were made.

Far us and far arr salvation

he opened the hatch o’ heav’n

and dropped into the hold:

by the pow’r o’ the Holy Ghost

he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,

and was made a swabbie.

Fer arr sake he was keel-hauled

by that the scurvy dog, Pontius Pilate;

and was sent t’ Davy Jones’ locker.

On the third day he came back in accardance with the book;

he ascended into heaven

and be seated at the right hand o’ the Admiral.

He will come again in glory t’judge the living and the dead,

and his kingdom will ha’e no end.

Avast then!

We believe in the Holy Ghost, the Lord, the giver o’ life,

who proceeds from the Admiral and the Cap’n.

With them two, he be worshiped and glorified.

He has spoken through the Prophets.

We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.

We acknowledge one dunkin’ far the forgiveness o’ sins.

We look far the resurrection o’ the dead,

and the life o’ the world t’come.

So says one, so says us all. Aye aye

(The Pirate Creed comes from the Pirate Eucharist (pdf), composed by fictitious detective and liturgist Hayden Konig, in Mark Schwetzer's wonderful "Liturgical Mysteries". This series of books should be read be everyone who loves liturgy, snark, and wonderful  inspiring hilarious prose. Pirate Creed used here with permission.)

Dealing with Questions

Many of the readers of this blog have either been to graduate school or are currently in graduate school. Many others have encountered this same problem in colleges. The problem: the person in class who monopolizes all of the time with their questions, usually to prove to the prof and/or classmates how very smart they are (or who makes comments because they are sure that the prof was unaware of their very important factoid).

Of course, this doesn't apply to adult education in our churches, where often I wish people would ask more questions and make more comments in order to get discussion going. But it is a welcome relief for those grad school/college settings. I proudly present the "Question & Comment Evaluation Chart" (click for larger image). Feel free to print out and discreetly place on the desk of your classmate who needs it most.

Bach's Coffee Cantada

To honor the Fifth Evangelist - and in honor of a groggy morning, here is J.S. Bach's Coffee Cantata (Schweigt stille, plaudert nicht, BWV 211).

Written for and performed by Bach's Collegium Musicum, at Zimmerman's Coffee House in Leipzig. The libretto (text) was penned by Bach's frequent collaborator, Christian Friedrich Henrici.

Narrator (Recitative)

Be quiet, stop chattering, and pay attention to what's taking place: here comes Herr Schlendrian with his daughter Lieschen; he's growling like a honey bear. Hear for yourselves, what she has done to him!

Schlendrian (Aria)

Don't one's children cause one endless trials & tribulations! What I say each day to my daughter Lieschen falls on stony ground.

Schlendrian (Aria)

You wicked child, you disobedient girl, oh!

When will I get my way? Give up coffee!

Lieschen (Aria)

Father, don't be so severe!

If I can't drink my bowl of coffee three times daily, then in my torment I will shrivel up like a piece of roast goat.

Lieschen

Mm! how sweet the coffee tastes,

more delicious than a thousand kisses, mellower than muscatel wine.

Coffee, coffee I must have, and if someone wishes to give me a treat, ah, then pour me out some coffee!

Schlendrian (Recitative)

If you don't give up drinking coffee then you shan't go to any wedding feast, nor go out walking.

Oh! when will I get my way? Give up coffee!

Lieschen

Oh well! Just leave me my coffee!

Schlendrian

Now I've got the little minx! I won't get you a whalebone skirt in the latest fashion.

Lieschen

I can easily live with that.

Schlendrian

You're not to stand at the window and watch people pass by!

Lieschen

That as well, only I beg of you, leave me my coffee!

Schlendrian

Furthermore, you shan't be getting any silver or gold ribbon for your bonnet from me!

Lieschen

Yes, yes! only leave me to my pleasure!

Schlendrian

You disobedient Lieschen you, so you go along with it all!

Schlendrian (Aria)

Hard-hearted girls are not so easily won over.

Yet if one finds their weak spot, ah! then one comes away successful.

Schlendrian (Recitative)

Now take heed what your father says!

Lieschen

In everything but the coffee.

Schlendrian

Well then, you'll have to resign yourself to never taking a husband.

Lieschen

Oh yes! Father, a husband!

Schlendrian

I swear it won't happen.

Lieschen

Until I can forgo coffee?

From now on, coffee, remain forever untouched! Father, listen, I won't drink any.

Schlendrian

Then you shall have a husband at last!

Lieschen (Aria)

Today even dear father, see to it! Oh, a husband!

Really, that suits me splendidly!

If it could only happen soon that at last, before I go to bed, instead of coffee I were to get a proper lover!

Narrator (Aria)

Old Schlendrian goes off to see if he can find a husband forthwith for his daughter Lieschen;

but Lieschen secretly lets it be known:

no suitor is to come to my house unless he promises me, and it is also written into the marriage contract,

that I will be permitted to make myself coffee whenever I want.

Trio

A cat won't stop from catching mice, and maidens remain faithful to their coffee.

The mother holds her coffee dear.

The grandmother drank it also.

Who can thus rebuke the daughters?

(Translation found on Wikisource, and assumed to be public domain)