Epicenter of Matrimony: Wedding Sermon

Finally! Bishop Mike Rinehart's sermon from the Epicenter of Matrimony wedding service. Extremely grateful for his words on that wonderful day.

Special thanks to Christopher Harris, who took care of our livestream for us. About 30 seconds of the sermon got dropped out, because the service we were using (not Chris!) reset the stream toward the end of the sermon. (If you were watching at home, this was one of the times that the stream cut out).

It was an awesome sermon. Enjoy.

Twitter Matrimony!

Ours was a wedding that embraced everything that technology can do to enhance the sense of community and our worship. More about that later, I am sure, as I continue to reflect on the events of last weekend. For now, here is our twitter stream.

This are all of the tweets about our wedding (as marked with our two wedding hashtags, #epicenterofmatrimony and #megarev). Our many friends who have protected or locked accounts also participated in this wonderful online worship experience, but their tweets are not captured by programs like this (Megan & I saw your tweets, thank you!). 

Enjoy this glimpse into what the community of Christ looks like when it gathers from around the world to rejoice together.

Twedding Shower!

You may ask yourself, what in the world is a "Twedding Shower"??

The first one I saw was as my friends, Dan Webster and Meredith Gould, were preparing for their wedding. At an appointed time, their friends on twitter were invited to share their best wishes, prayers, and thoughts with the wedding couple. It was a Twitter + Wedding Shower, a Twedding Shower.

As Megan and I got close to our own nuptials, Meredith and the Church Social Media community offered to host the same for us. Below are many of the wonderful things that were said to us. (Many of our friends have protected or locked accounts, and their tweets do not show up in a program like this. But we saw them - and we thank you!).

Getting Married ... Twice

Today is our wedding. Sort of. Kind of. A little bit. Let me back up and explain.

In most American church weddings, two things happen. First, a marriage license is signed, which was issues by the state. This document entitles a couple to the legal and financial privileges that come from being married. The legislature decides who can receive this license, the rights provided by at are guaranteed by the court system, and the person who signs it does so as an agent of the state.

Second, the church declares God's blessing on the couple and their life together and the community offers their prayers and support to them. The church (or the parent church body) decides who may or may not receive this blessing.

In most American church weddings, these two things happen at the same time. The pastor functions as the representative of both the church and the state. This -- as one might imagine -- produces some sticky questions. What happens when the state says a marriage is legal, but the church says that it is not a holy relationship? Or vice-versa, what happens when the church says a relationship is holy, but the state does not legally recognize it? By what criteria does the state authorize a person as a member of the clergy? And many many others.

This wasn't always the case. In the Roman world, the church was not recognized as any sort of authority. Why would the Roman Empire care whether or not a couple received a blessing from an underground, illegal sect? And so, couples would have their relationship recognized by the magistrate, to receive the legal benefits of marriage. And then they would ask their priest to bless that relationship in a separate act.

As the structures of the Roman world began to fall apart, the church took over the legal aspect of marriage. In the Middle Ages, the church was a state-supported institution. The local prince would often make the decision about who the local priest should be, and his salary would come out of the state's treasury.  In this time, a couple would stand outside of the doors of the church where the priest would perform the legal marriage. Then, married already in the eyes of the state, the couple would enter into the church to receive the blessing of God and the prayers of the community.

In much of the industrialized world, there has been a return to the older model. Couples go to the courthouse to get legally married. And then they go to their faith community to ask for a blessing on that marriage. As the rest of the world adopted the example of the American revolution - which rejected the idea of a state-supported church - they have sought to separate the work of the courthouse from the work of the church.

As a pastor, I am not called to government work. There are people who are gifted at it, and for whom I give thanks. But I am not one of them. I don't want to be in the business of being an agent of the state. In my study of church history, it does not work out well for the church when it starts doing the work of the state.

As a couple, Megan and I think that there is a difference between what is legal and what is holy. And we want to be intentional about those things. And so we are separating them out. We want the benefits of a marriage that is recognized by the government of the United States, and so we are getting a legal marriage. We also want the blessing of God on our marriage, and the prayers of our community, so we are getting a church marriage.

Let me be clear. Most Americans do both the legal and the religious marriage at the same time. Those are good, holy, and legal marriages. I am not disparaging those weddings. I am, however, asking if perhaps it is time to rethink how we as a church and country recognize the relationships of people who chose to spend their life together.

So today is our wedding. Our legal, state recognized wedding. When we fill out forms that ask about our legal status as a couple, this will be our anniversary.

And Sunday is our wedding. Our celebration with our family, friends, and community of faith. Sunday is when we are asking for God's blessing on our life together. When it is time to celebrate with friends and family, this will be our anniversary.

same-sex marriage, theology of marriage, holy matrimony, gay marriage, church and state

Why Do Weddings Matter?

Buckle in. Here's a shock: as I sit here writing my monthly newsletter article I have marriage on my mind. Maybe it has something to do with long to-do list I have sitting next to me, with things to get done for my own wedding.

So the most basic question: What exactly is a wedding? Or, to put it another way, why does a wedding matter?

We most often think about a wedding as being all about the couple. It is when the couple says their vows to one another, it is their special day, it is a celebration of their love. All those things are nice, but I think that they miss much of the point of the Christian wedding service. Vows could be said before a justice of the peace, or even in private. And ideally, any couple should be celebrating their love for one another every day.

Such an assumption about the importance of a wedding also misses point of Lutheran worship. The theological emphasis of Lutheran worship is not on the worshipers. No, wedding is first and foremost not about the bride or the groom, but about God.

In a service of marriage, we ask for God to bless the life of the bride and groom. No matter how nice the bride’s dress, no matter how cute the flower girl, the center of attention at a wedding is God. The most important part of a wedding is what God does. God blesses the couple, and the community.

But then the bride and groom, right? Nope. Secondly, a church wedding is about the community. Again, a couple could go off and get married in a private ceremony (and many couples do that—these are also holy and blessed marriages). But to get married in the church, surrounded by the community of faith, gives the community an important role to play. Those who are gathered at the wedding act on behalf of the whole church, on behalf of the whole people of God. On behalf of the church, the community that is gathered witnesses the couple’s vows. But even more importantly, the community that is gathered also makes a vow, to support and care for the couple. A wedding is about the support and prayers of the community of faith.

Only at the very bottom of the list, the church wedding is about the vows of the couple. There—in the presence of God and the community—the couple declares their vows to one another. Blessed by God, blessed by the community, the couple goes out to live their life.

 There are lots of different sorts of weddings—from big church weddings to services at the courthouse to an elopement. No matter the setting, these are the things that matter in a wedding service: God—community—and the couple.

This is an edited version of my September 2012 newsletter article for St. John Lutheran Church of Prairie Hill. 

Mission Brenham

Megan and I have stuff. We have lots and lots of stuff. There are a few things that we need for our new house, and there are some things that we want. And we have registered for those things.

However, as we prepare for our wedding, we know that we are very blessed. And so as you are considering gifts for our wedding we want to give you one more option.

Mission Brenham is a wonderful organization, providing leadership training, afterschool activities, mentoring, and so much more to children and youth in Washington County who are living in poverty or otherwise at risk.   There is a great deal of poverty in Washington County (did you know that there are four government housing projects in our little town!), and Mission Brenham provides hope and opportunity for many who otherwise would have none.

Megan and I believe in Mission Brenham - in their work, their vision, their leadership, their passion for the Gospel, and their care of God's children . We would be honored if, instead of more stuff, you would consider a gift to support Mission Brenham in honor of our wedding.

To make a donation to Mission Brenham, send your check to:
Mission Brenham
1003 Hasskarl Dr.
Brenham, TX 77833
Put in the memo "David Hansen / Megan Dosher" or "David & Megan Hansen" or "Dosher-Hansen wedding" or, well, you get the idea. 

or

Go to the Mission Brenham Website, click "Donate" and put "David Hansen / Megan Dosher" in the "purpose" box.

Thank you!

Where's My Invitation?

It is 3 months, 1 week, and 4 days until Megan and I get married. Or, I should say, it is only 3 months, 1 week, and 4 days until our wedding.

So you may be asking yourself, "Where is my invitation?" Perhaps you are a family member of one of us (Hi cousins!) or a friend, and you have been anxiously checking your mailbox, waiting for that bulky envelope that includes your invitation, your rsvp form, and your return envelope.

Let me put you out of your misery: It isn't coming.

Nope. There will not be an invitation in your mailbox. It's not happening.

This week, Megan and I put out our online invitation via email, facebook, and twitter. There was an invitation in the monthly newsletter of St. John Lutheran Church, and it will be in the weekly email of Brenham Presbyterian Church.

This is your invitation. You are important to us. We want you there.

We also did some math. Because we believe that a wedding is an event for the community of faith, we have invited ... well, everyone. At a reasonable middle of the road price, it would cost us $4,000 to send print invitations, at a minimum. Add to that the time to address and stamp all those envelopes.

Simply put, it would not have happened. Our wedding would have been significantly smaller, and important people would not have been included. So, in the interest of making this event as open and welcoming and joyous as possible, we have turned to the gifts of modern technology and social media.

Give us your RSVP at the online invitation, and let us make plans for you to be there. Come by the facebook event page and talk with others who are coming to the wedding or who are planning on watching the live-stream.

(A special thank you to our engagement photographer, Amanda Faucett, who provided the pictures for our invitations. Stop by and like her facebook page, she does great work)

#EpicenterOfMatrimony: Hotel List

Are you coming to the Epicenter of Matrimony? Making plans to travel to Brenham in September for the wedding of Megan Dosher (@megateer) and David Hansen (@rev_david)? Then you are going to need a place to stay, and as much as we would love to put you up, there is not enough room in the parsonage at Prairie Hill or the manse at Brenham Presbyterian for all of you.

With the wedding being close to the Washington County Fair, we would suggest booking your rooms sooner rather than later. The good news is that there are lots of hotels in the Brenham area. These are just the newest hotels in the area:

Best Western

1503 Hwy 290 E
Brenham, TX 77833
979-251-7791

Comfort Suites
2350 S Day St
Brenham, TX 77833
979-421-8100

Hampton Inn & Suites
2605 Schulte Blvd
Brenham, TX 77833
979-337-9898

Holiday Inn Express
555 Hwy 290 W
Brenham, TX 77833
979-296-4590

La Quinta Inn
2950 Woodbridge
Brenham, TX 77833
979-836-5551

Super 8
2831 S Market St
Brenham, TX 77833
979-830-8885

There are also many Bed & Breakfasts in Washington County, if you would like to find one of those for the weekend.

*The wedding ceremony will be on September 16, at 4:00 pm, at St. John Lutheran Church of Prairie Hill.*

And So It Begins ...

In certain circles I am known as a bit of a social media enthusiast. I think is is an important way for churches, clergy, and others to communicate not just with each other but with the world. I live out my life in the public eye: both in real life as the pastor of a congregation in a small town, and on social media.

And yet, last week I was scooped on social media. On Thursday, Megan Dosher (@megateer) and I made our engagement official. She also is an avid user of social media in various forms, but it was not her. No, it was Megan's mother who had posted the news of our engagement to Facebook within minutes of getting off of the phone with us. 

And thus began what will be a very public engagement and wedding. Megan and I followed her mother's suit, and shared the news on both Facebook and Twitter (our primary social media networks). And we plan on this trend continuing. We have every intention of using social media to the fullest as we plan and celebrate our marriage.

Why? There are two primary reasons. (1) We both live very public lives. Certainly in regard to our chosen professions, we are in the public eye. Especially in a small town. And we embrace that facet of our life - it is a part of who we are. In fact, it is a good thing! Living life publicly (with good boundaries, of course) encourages a life that is transparent and authentic. 

(2) We believe that a wedding is a public event. It involves not just the couple, but as an act of the church it involves the whole body of Christ. In Christian marriage, we call on the faithful to support, pray for, and hold accountable the relationship that is blessed in marriage. And for Megan and I, that is not just the people who gather in our congregations on Sunday mornings. It is also our friends and loved ones on social media - with whom we converse, pray, learn, and worship. We want to include them in the public witness of our marriage.

And so, the journey begins. There will be updates here, on our respective facebook and twitter accounts, and who knows where else. Please feel free to follow along, join the conversation, and share in our joy!

Last fall, I had the privilege of being an advanced reader on Meredith Gould's Getting #Married: Using Social Media to Celebrate the Sacred. Megan & I have both read and earmarked this book, and recommend it to others considering using social media in planning and celebrating their wedding.