Baptism & the Communion of the Saints

In baptism we are told that we "take off our sinful selves" and we are then "clothed in Christ Jesus." As a symbol of this new beginning, candidates for baptism in the early church took off all of their clothes, were baptized nude, and then were reclothed in white robes which indicated their new purity in Christ. This white baptismal robe is the origin of the alb worn by many clergy during worship services. The idea of being "clothed in Christ" is also preserved in the practice of baptismal gowns - white gowns for children who are being baptized.

My daughter's baptismal gown was as a connection with the generations that came before. It was made by her Great-Great Grandmother, Serena Hansen. It was worn by her Great-Grandpa Hansen and his three siblings, by her Grandpa Hansen and his sister, and of course by her Dad and his brothers. On the day of my daughter's death and re-birth, only a few members of her family were able to be there -- those who are still living and were able to make the trip to Prairie Hill. Yet her baptismal gown reminded us - and someday will remind her - that all of God's faithful saints, including the loved ones of our family, were watching over her on that day.

It was an intentional choice for my daughter to receive the sacrament of Holy Baptism on All Saints Sunday. I have always loved that particular festival, and I liked the idea that it would serve as a constant reminder for her that she is surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. I also liked the physical connection (the baptismal gown) with the meaning of the festival.

The great Orthodox liturgical theologian Alexander Schmemann has pointed out that we (i.e., all of humanity) are inherently sacramental. By this he meant that we need a physical connection to help us make sense of great spiritual truths. Lutherans have always been hesitant to use the language of "sacramental" to talk of anything except the two Sacraments of Water and Table. But there is much that is sacramental without being a sacrament; to say a thing is sacramental is to say that it is a physical reminder or sign of spiritual grace.

All Saints is a wonderful festival of the church, yet one that can be too abstract a concept for many people. I have found that a sacramental reminder -- something physical to connect us to intangible -- can serve as a wonderful reminder of the great cloud of witnesses that surrounds us. Any variety of objects can serve such a purpose -- a picture of a loved one, a spouse's favorite shirt, a cross or Bible from a parent. As All Saints Day comes and goes for the year, placing such an object in the place we say our daily prayers can bring us closer to that Great Communion of all the saints.

(Knowing that some readers of this blog do their own sewing and embroidery work, I have placed a couple of detail shots of the baptismal gown below for your enjoyment)

Pope Francis, Children, and Worship

In many churches, there are very clear expectations for children (and there parents). Even if you have never attended the congregation before, you can quickly pick up on the expectation.

• The very clearly labelled cry room / nursery, far from the sanctuary. To separate noisy children from the worshipers. 
• The children being led out at some point for "children's church." 
• The judging looks at parents with young children who are laughing or crying. 
• Even the sign, "Small Children Should Be in the Nursery During Worship."

Yup. The expectation is clear. We do not want to see or hear children during worship. No wiggling, no laughing, no talking, no fidgeting. Take them out: to the nursery, to the cry room, anywhere but the sanctuary. 

I was greatly moved by the pictures this week of Pope Francis. As he was speaking to a huge gathering of families, a young boy joined the Pope on the stage. Despite attempts by those on the stage to remove him, the boy stayed. He wandered. He talked. He spent time in the places where he was not supposed to be. And no one seemed happier about the situation than Pope Francis. 

Love. Kid runs on stage during @Pontifex speech, hugs him, Pope sits him on his chair to continue the speech. pic.twitter.com/zxghWLpwtb
— PEG (@pegobry) October 29, 2013

The Pope seemed to have grasped an important truth: If you have a gathering of families, there will be children. And those children will behave like ... well ...children. 

If we continue to make it clear that we do not want to hear or see children in worship, we will get exactly what we want. We will not see or hear children -- Not now, and not in twenty years when they grow up. They will get the message loud and clear: They are not welcome.

Worship leaders: learn from the Pope. We want our worship services to be gatherings for families (all sorts of families). And where there are families, there will be children. (Rodger Nishioka wrote about this very idea yesterday on the NextChurch blog)

Worship leaders: let children be children. Give permission for them to wander, to talk, to color, to play. To do all the things that children do. Make it abundantly clear to parents and children that they are welcome.



Here is the welcome that we put in our bulletins at St. John - Prairie Hill

Parents of Young Children

We are so glad that you are here, and that you brought your children with you! Thank you! A few suggestions for your worship experience: 

• Relax! God put the wiggle in children; don’t feel you have to suppress it in God’s house. It can be helpful to sit toward the front where it is easier for children to see and hear. 
• Sing hymns loudly, pray, and voice the responses with enthusiasm. Children learn behavior by copying you. If you are excited about God, they will be too! 
• There are Story Bibles in the pew—your child is welcome to read, look at, and use this Bible! (If you would like to take one home, talk to Pastor David). 
• Teach children some of the basic prayers; being able to join in with the prayers helps them feel they are contributing too. Also, it can be helpful to explain to your child what is happening during the service. 
• Attend worship often, children like and need routines where they can participate. 

To those who are sitting near worshiping parents and children
A smile of encouragement is always welcome to parents with small, active children! Jesus welcomed the little children, and so do we. Whether talking, crying, laughing, or singing, the sounds of children in worship are joyful songs of praise.

An Usher at St. John

Broken Families?

I generally have an easy-going personality. I really do. It takes a lot to get me worked up – I usually have no problem letting comments slide right off my back.

But every time someone expresses surprise that my daughter is “doing so well … considering everything” I get this little urge to punch them in the face. The same goes double for the people who use the phrase “Broken family” to describe our family. Those people mean well – I know that they do. But comments like that make some pretty big – and quite negative – assumptions about my family.

Broken things need to be fixed. They are not the way they are intended to be. If something is broken, there is something inherently wrong. The same goes for the (very well intentioned) concern about how our daughter is “dealing with everything.”

Here is the bottom line: We are precisely the family that God has called us to be – and our daughter’s life is better for it. It is your idea of family is that is broken.

A couple of months ago, I showed up at my daughter’s school for a class party. There were not many parents there, so the kids gathered around me. My daughter was explaining her family to her friends, “This is my Dad. I have another Dad, too. And I have two Moms.” To which her friends properly responded: “You have two Dads? No fair!”

Children get it. Children are jealous of the child who is privileged to have two dads and two moms -- two bedrooms and FOUR sets of grandparents to spoil her. It is adults who have hang-ups, not the kids.

Not every divorce works out well. Many don’t – and that pain is very real and important. But I don’t think we can any longer assume that divorced parents are not parenting well together – working together for the well-being of the child. For many families – mine included – it can be the best solution.

And for the children in those situations it can be a real blessing. Four parents to surround you with love. Four parents to guide you and care for you. Just because there has been a divorce in our family does not mean that our family is broken.

How many children grow up in a home that is loveless and cold, because Mom & Dad are staying together “for the good of the kids”? How many children grow up feeling neglected and ignored by one of their parents? Regardless of marital status, those homes are broken.

What it means to be a family is changing in so many ways. So the next time you have a conversation with a divorced parent, stop and listen. Don’t jump to conclusions about how they relate to their co-parent and what it means for their child. Just listen.

Our family is not broken. In the last 3 years, our family has grown larger. In the last 3 years, it has grown to be more loving, and more caring. And I think that is not a cause for concern – it is a cause for rejoicing.

Can we – the church – rejoice with those who rejoice? 
Can we set aside our judgments, and celebrate love-filled families that look different than we expect?

What Does A Pastor Do? (Preschooler Edition)

Every Sunday, I stand in front of my congregation and preach the Gospel. I have overcome any fear of speaking in public that I may have once had. I have spoken to very large groups and very small groups. I have spoken to people I know and respect, and I have spoken to absolute strangers. Very little unnerves me. But this morning, I got a request that made me shake in my boots.

On the way to school daughter asked me to tell her preschool class about my job. <shiver>

Doesn't seem like a big deal to you? Here are the factors to think about.

The attention span and comprehension of 5 year olds. A mix of backgrounds - some may be religious, but statistically most would not be. The concept of "God" may be a meaningless word to them. A desire to be respectful of teachers and parents who may come from different faith backgrounds - I am a guest, after all. And then, the thought that a child may feel left out or excluded or different by their families religious practices (or lack thereof) - and the last thing you want to do is make a 5 year old feel bad; it sure isn't their fault!

So in I went, and here is what I said.

Because I was wearing clericals (a shock, I know) I talked some about uniforms, and how this is my uniform so that people who need a pastor can find one. Then I moved on to what I do.

I explained the job of a pastor as consisting of three primary things.

1. As a a pastor, I get to tell people about and teach about what I believe is the most important and exciting thing in the world. Every day, I get to share the things that make me happier than anything else in the world. What makes you happy?
2. As a pastor, I get to spend time with people when life is hard and help them to feel better. So when people are sad, or hurt, or sick, or upset they ask me to come be with them and help them feel better. Has anyone ever helped you to feel better? 
3. As a pastor, I get to spend time with people during the happiest times of their lives and help them to celebrate. So, when I baby is born, and at weddings, and at birthdays - all of the best and happiest times of life - pastors get to help people to celebrate. What have been some of the times you have had fun celebrating?

Preaching. Comforting. Celebrating.

So, ok, there is more to pastoring than that. But it's not a bad summary for a preschool audience. In fact, it's not a bad summary of the Christian life of discipleship. 

Proclaim - Comfort - Celebrate. Repeat as needed. 

Ministry Where the Wild Things Are

Today, Maurice Sendak, author and illustrator of the classic Where the Wild Things Are, died. I didn't call it a "children's classic," because Sendak never would have. He was very clear: he didn't write children's books. He wrote books. Children happened to like them. In fact - Sendak didn't even believe in "children" as such.

I said anything I wanted because I don't believe in children. I don't believe in childhood. I don't believe that there's a demarcation. 'Oh you mustn't tell them that. You mustn't tell them that.' You tell them anything you want. Just tell them if it's true. If it's true you tell them. ~Maurice Sendak

We divide our ministries in church. This is an adult Bible study, that is a children's curriculum. This is a Bible, that is a children's Bible. We are very clear. And in our clear divisions, we speak down to our young people. We hide the hard things of life from them. We hold back information about life, about faith, and about God.

[I am proud of what I got from my parents], a kind of fierce honesty, to not let the kid down, to not let the kid get punished, to not suffer the child to be dealt with in a boring, simpering, crushing-of-the-spirit kind of way. ~Maurice Sendak

Here is what we need: We need a ministry that takes place where the wild things are. As I have watched interviews with Maurice Sendak - this man whose stories helped to shape my childhood - I have been struck with his caustic honesty. He did not hold back, he did not pull any punches, he simply spoke the truth. And not just in his interviews; also in his books, which children happened to like.

Often in our clearly defined and divided children's and youth ministries we avoid the "hard topics." We talk about happiness and joy and celebration. But what about sadness, what about loneliness, what about death and dying and illness? Too often, they are avoided. We tell ourselves that we have to protect our children. We have to keep them safe. And somehow, we have gotten into our heads that talking about such things will somehow break them - that they can't handle it.

I think it is unnatural to think that there is such a thing as a blue-sky, white-clouded happy childhood for anybody. Childhood is a very, very tricky business of surviving it. 

We need a ministry that talks about the reality of life with all of God's children - some of whom are larger and some of whom are smaller. We need to stop speaking down to our young people, stop trying to protect them from the hard things of life. We simply need a ministry, which children happen to like.

We need a ministry that takes place where the wild things are.

Seen & Not Heard

Here's my frustration: I want to encourage the church. I want to point out all of the things that are going great, all the things that we are doing right. I want to praise the way we are bringing Christ into the world. But.

But sometimes, the church is just ridiculous. And to be clear, I am not talking about the congregation where I serve, although we have our moments, too. I am talking about the church - all of us - the body of Christ. 

In almost every church I that I have had any sort of contact with, I have heard some variation on the same concern: "There aren't enough children. We need more kids in Sunday School. The Youth Group is too small." Sound familiar? Church councils sit around, thinking of what the pastor needs to do to get kids in church. The older members complain about parents who don't bring their kids to church. We talk about all sorts of things ... none of which is actually the problem.

Want to know the problem? Here it is, in a nutshell. A few weeks ago, I walked into a church to preach and saw this sign:

I don't post this to shame this one congregation. The truth is that many congregations, without being as explicit about it, still have this attitude lurking under the surface. The people who complain about the kids who talk during the sermon. The stares we give to the parents of fidgety children. We want kids in the church, but "Children should be seen and not heard" ... and we aren't too sure that they should be seen.

Come on, church! We can do better!

We wonder why our churches are graying. We wonder why our Sunday School rooms sit empty. We wonder what happened to all the families with young children. It's really simple: they got the message. They heard us loud and clear.

We need worship services where children are free to be ... well, children. That means sometimes they will be loud, sometimes they will need to move around and play and fidget. Because that is what children do.

We need churches where parents feel comfortable coming with their little ones; not ashamed or nervous. 

If we are going to have churches that have children in them, then those children and their parents should be made to feel welcome. Totally and completely welcome, just as they are. 

Let's be clear: if we don't change this, there will not be a church in a generation.